EINDHOVEN - Sometime in the evening I'm writing this down. Home from Indonesia about two weeks, and now I really feel the regret coming up about one certain thing. Fifi also asked me about it, and I said it wasn't that nescesary as I told her before. But ever since she asked me, I felt worried about it. Maybe I sould have done it after all, I was thinking at that time. Not too long after that I went home, and took the worry with me. I still didn't do one special thing I wanted to do ever since one day on my first holiday last year.
It was in one of the first days ever in Indonesia. We went to Taman Ria Senayan. Fifi, Cherry, me.. but the main person in this story is Nur. My feeling for her reached highs at the end of the holiday. For the first explaination, it was NOT love. I can't do that. It's my holiday, three weeks in a year. Never I will do that, it's just cheating on yourself for as long as you can think you can maintain it. When this is clear you can read on for my feelings about her.
She's shy, I noticed. I have always been shy, and just the recent times I climbed out of myself and started to explore the world. Going to Indonesia really helped me with that, I met people which I normally would never meet, and I made some true friends. Nur is just a friend what I mean with that. Conversations between us were rare, but I enjoyed them, we can really talk to eachother if we needed to.
What I am attracked to is the very personal environment I got in in Indonesia, and more of that special personal feeling Nur got for me. I don't know why, sharing a drink is not uncommon, but she did too. Just the feeling that I could easily reach her. Grabbing to my neckless, hand in my back, those were the sings that made me very confortable.
After meeting her several times I felt good about her, just before I left I asked Fifi for a picture of her. Luckily she had a few, and I could choose some. Well, I didn't take some, I just took one. Just the one that looked most like the Nur I know from my holiday. Of course she didn't change much in the last years, because she was already 22 when I met her for the first time.
That picture is still on my "Indonesia-shelf" on my room. I will be there in the future also, but there is one thing missing, still missing. Last year I told Fifi that I would like to have dinner with Nur once. I only told her after my holiday, so nothing could be done anymore last year. That was something for this year, and now I'm home, and I still didn't have dinner with her.
I'm very happy that she liked the presents she got, that gave me a good feeling, and now I know I will buy her something myself for next year, something special, because that's what she earns. But what I also would like to do is having dinner with her, still.. after one year waiting, and I'm only half-way I recently discovered.
Next year this dinner will be on the number one spot of my 'things-to-do-list' for Indonesia 2001. At that time I will have to miss some of my first friends, but maybe that is just natural selection, though I really don't hope so. furtermore I will spend some more time with Nur for sure. At least a dinner is something I really want myself. The only thing that can happen is that she doesn't want to, but I don't think she would really bother.